Love & Libra

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What is it good for?
...absolutely nothing?

Today I was talking to a fellow co-worker about personalities and astrology and how they inform relationships between people. Astrology has always been something that has been interesting to me but I haven't put much stock into it. Not necessarily because I believe it's a hoax, but mostly because like many other personality indicators, person to person variability is so great that you can't rely on the stars to determine your life. But, yesterday I delved in a bit because I was curious about the relationships between two suns.

I came across this article describing the "Libra Woman":

Now, bear with me here, as I am very aware that any personality indicator can be tailored to what or how you believe you are because confirmation bias, duh. But let's not be over analytical for once (that's a harder thing for me than you might realize) and just look at the content and see how it correlates with my current life, especially in relation to love.

What's it like dating a Libra woman?

Libra women often take relationships very seriously. Given a choice they really don't like to be single for long. This together with her obsession with fairness, desire for compromise, and distaste for conflict can make Libra women stay in unhappy relationships long after others might have thrown in the towel.

This hit me hard.

Over the last 2 years of living in Portland, I have explored a different side of myself: a Libra in love. I've been in love, I've been in lust, I've been heartbroken, I've been invigorated -- the list goes on. I realized over this time that I love love. I love being in love, I love looking for love, and even though love creates heartbreak, I can't get enough of it. At some points, it has felt as if I was living in a constant cycle of heart-brokenness due to the many loves entering and exiting my life in short periods of time. I'm just a 20-something year old trying to have it all, as my best friend Darin always says. 

"Libra women stay in unhappy relationships long after others might have thrown in the towel."

I have reflected a lot about this very concept, as I am sometimes wondering why I don't throw in the towel when a relationship clearly isn't working. When I first moved here, I was stuck in a toxic relationship with a person who not only wasn't good for me, but we weren't good for each other. I spent a lot of my time and energy trying to find compromises that I was blinded by the fact that it just wasn't working. I can't tell you how many times I kept myself up at night recounting the ways I could have saved myself from misery if I had just let up a little on love. However, love is about risk. But when is risk too much? When does risk lose its admirability and become foolishness?

I don't have the answers. In fact, I don't think I ever will. What I've decided to do instead is to give myself grace and know my limits. Know when to identify my unhappiness and be ready to commit to eradicating it the first moment possible. It's something I'm still working on, but I'm making progress.

Libra in Love

Searching for a Creative Outlet: Blogging?

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Blacktina is coming back to blogging.

I'm trying to find a creative outlet for the many frustrations I feel day to day. Here's a short list of the things I am constantly thinking about and have opinions on:

  • Being blacktina in a city like Portland
  • Being passionate about education and feeling like I am such a small voice and I can't make change
  • Love. Love is pain. 
  • How challenging it can be to date white men
  • What it's like to date in the digital age, and dating while brown
  • Microaggressions and their impact on society
  • My future as an educator -- do I really desire to be an upper admin? Is that where the change happens? 
  • I want a fulfilling career but I also want a family, why does it feel like I have to choose one?
  • Multiracial identity problems 
  • Women and the double standards surrounding desiring sex
  • Being a cat lady
  • How crippling student loan debt is holding Americans prisoner
...aahhhh the list just goes on! So, I'm going to explore some of these topics in the coming weeks. I can't promise that the words will make very much sense, and I can't promise they'll be credible in an academic sense. Sometimes you just need to pour your heart out, and it might not seem rational but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel real. Let's see how this goes. 

I'm going to update my profile to reflect the new part of my life that I'm in. Quarter life crisis blogging: COMMENCE!