Selfish, Impatient, && Insecure

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"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst then you sure as hell dont deserve me at my best" - Marylin Monroe

This is kind of how I've been feeling lately, Marylin Monroe couldn't have said it better. I'm tired of people telling me what to do and how to feel and what to say and how to react. I'm not a perfect person, but no one is. I wish people would let me be angry, I just need to be for a while. It's not productive, no, but that's how I deal with my stress. I broke down the other night from all of the peer pressure of my friends and family, and I never want to do that again. I'm a very strong person on the exterior, and I want to stay that way. Is this too much to ask? Time is the enemy. Or the friend. I can't tell which.

Peace & Love,

R.I.P. Smokey February 2nd, 2010

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On February 2nd, 2010 at 12:30pm my next door neighbor back at home passed away.

He has been fighting stomach cancer for a little over a year now, but it just got the best of him today. He was truly a fighter in every sense of the word, staying strong for his wife and for his friends, and taking care of himself to try to improve his health. He went through many tests and operations this year and every time he'd come home he'd still have a smile on his face and a joke or story to tell. Once he was well enough from the operations he would hop right back onto his Harley Davidson and drive down rt 81 for hours just enjoying the scenery. He truly represents someone that I admire for his strength and his general outlook on life. I hope to one day be as strong as him when fighting an illness, it's something I aspire to be.

I've been truly blessed to have known Smokey for the past 3 years. I'll miss visiting him on a random weekday to talk about movies or politics or just to sit and play with his dogs. Smokey and his wife Lori have always welcomed the Avalos family into their homes with open arms, and I admire that about them. They truly represented what it meant to be "good neighbors." I hope that now in these times of grief we can do a good job in opening our arms up to Lori and her family.

Smokey, you really meant a lot to me, and I will always remember your kind words and guidance. I know that now you're happy and free and you'll be watching over us. I can't wait to see you again in Heaven. Love and miss you forever.

Peace & Love,